Star Wars Imports

If Lucas wasn’t bothered by a conscience and had simply scraped off the serial numbers of more interesting fare, here’s what he might have stolen to make the Prequels a little more interesting.

Clone trooper (to dug-in enemy droid): “Hey, droid!”

Droid: “What?”

Clone trooper: “I know what you’re asking yourself, did he fire four thousand ninety five laser bolts, or four thousand and ninety six? Well, to tell you the truth, in all the excitement I lost track myself. But this being a Mark XXIV Sondheim Extremo, the most powerful blaster in the known universe and which would vaporize your head in a millisecond, you got to ask yourself one question…”

Droid: “What?”

Clone trooper: “Awww, fuggit it.” (shoots droid)

Scene: Deep space. A solitary X-wing is making its way to the Lava Planet.

Voice-over: “Lord Sidious was so close now I could practically taste him. God, he was close. What had he done, to win the trust of all those troopers? Just up and left one day; one moment the ruler of the Senate, the next, just another evil overlord on the run. His dossier didn’t have much, just promotion after promotion, until finally, the Lava Planet. Remember how close he was before? Now he was even closer.”

“Ah, good afternoon Lord Vader, and how are we today?”

“Better”

“Better?”

“Better get a bucket.”

“Droid! A bucket for Mr. Vader. There you are, monsieur…”

“I don’t believe it, I’ve got a ming-metal delivery tomorrow, and I’m being chased by Guido the Killer Bounty Hunter. I’m going to throw up, Chewie. I’m going to throw up on you, Chewie.”

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