One of these makes your eyes roll back in their sockets, makes you violent, and causes you to shiver and shake and shout and want to kill things. It makes your eyes bleed. Sharp objects appear inviting and cuddlesome. The sun becomes your enemy. Spray-on hair seems like a plausible thing.
The other is a horrible drug. [Yes, a tired joke, I know...]
I wrote a non-trivial amount of PHP a little while ago, and I simply cannot get clean enough.