that sucking feeling

“You could log out and log back in to fix that.”

“Um, I don’t want to. Because IT will re-run all their, their . . .”

“Malware?”

“All that virus checking, group policy bullshit, app scanning . . . it’s not malware, it’s more like, like . . . loatheware.”

“Five minutes of pegging the CPU on your laptop. You’re on your knees, begging helpdesk to let you start the presentation while your battery meter dips down, down –”

“The virus checker that turns builds into glacial hour-long dances with the devil, locking a critical output file at the last minute and torching the entire build . . .”

“The app scanner that thinks Emacs is a virus.”

“Well, it is.”

“You’ve got a point.”

Loatheware.”

“It’s everywhere.”

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10 Responses to that sucking feeling

  1. bg says:

    must be a lenovo laptop and in use at ibm!

  2. Anon says:

    Sounds like IT for sure!

  3. aaron says:

    Nano must be a rootkit then…

  4. RickRussellTX says:

    What you don’t see is the small army of auditors, information security people, government security people, and IT management requesting, nay, MANDATING that every system be checked and certified clean, and that your team should be able to certify every system in the company, on demand, with data no more that 60 minutes after the system is powered up.

    Yeah, I manage that technical team where I work.

  5. erik says:

    “Loatheware.” I like that.

  6. David Bond says:

    Loathware troubleshooting guide:

    1. Convince IT monkey that you need admin access for a special project for THEIR boss. Use admin access to remove the loathware.
    2. Bad-mouth the loathware. Vocally, frequently. Start an uprising.
    3. Bring your own loathware-less computer that looks identical to company machines. Claim ignorance and apologise if challenged. Continue to use it anyway.
    4. Quit company with incompetent IT department that forgot the IT is there to serve, not rule.
    5. Start own company that does the same valuable thing that you do in your current job, but with fewer impediments to productivity.

  7. Mat says:

    I’m in the infosec industry, and I run a non-corp image on my laptop and operate a backdoor VPN into my lab network (which is not connected to corp at all – not worth it). My job is not the same as some financial analyst – I need IT flexibility.

  8. Jesse says:

    Cool, we’ll uninstall all that stuff, and you fix your own computer when you have a problem with it tonight.

  9. landon says:

    @Jesse: Please do! (This is in the class of: “Don’t throw me in that briar patch!”)

    I can’t recall a single HelpDesk call in the last decade that wasn’t ultimately resolved by running some obscure script that fixed a problem that the loatheware was causing to begin with.

  10. David says:

    My local “help”desk: After installing additional RAM that conflicted with the RAM already in the system, their solution was to wipe and reimage the system. When that didn’t work, they removed the new RAM and lo and behold, things worked.

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