Oh God, I am tired of Steampunk
 Of brass men and gas bags I’m sick
All that predictable, coal-driven crap
 And all the gloved villains named “Dick”

Great Klono, I’m tired of space war
 Of fleets zapping each other forthwith
That planetary bashing, those galaxies smashing
 Were worn out by E. E. “Doc” Smith.

Lay waste to the Elves and their forests
 The Dwarves? Brick ’em up in their holes
Carpet-bomb Gondor, nuke the damned Ents
 And feed all the Hobbits to Trolls.

Cyberpunks, welcome to meatspace
 Your netdecks? Obsolete as last week
I flushed your damned nanobots right down the drain
 I’m so tired of reading ’bout geeks

Christ, don’t get me started on vampires.

Lord, if I must pick just one genre
 To erase from our earthly concern
I’d collect all the Steampunk, and with the last spark
 Pile it up, and watch it all burn.

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6 Responses to Steamplonk

  1. landon says:

    I wrote that before I read Charlie Stross on this.

  2. Arthur says:

    May I recommend Yahtzee Croshaw’s “Mogworld”?
    Quite funny, deals with and parodies game culture. I liked it anyway, may be a nice change of reads.

  3. Omer says:

    [Loved the “Christ don’t get me started ’bout vampires”]

    Anyway, whose forcing it down ya throat?

  4. Omer says:

    Well, probably wouldn’t have added that second line had I first read Charlie Stross’ post.

  5. Paolo says:

    Thank you

  6. James says:

    I much prefer the Bladerunner style universe to the jolly spiffing Victorian cosplay of Steampunk. The idea of psychotic humanoid robots is more interesting than whatever steampunk is trying to be.

    “Paint it gold, stick some cogs on… hey, instant Steampunk!” 😉

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