Embedded software speak

How embedded software engineers really speak:

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“That bug is going to need a fuck-ton of testing once we fix its ass.”

“What’s the difference between a fuck-ton and last week’s estimate of a metric buttload?”

“Well, one is metric, the other is english units.  Slightly more, I guess.”

“And you also said it might be a fucking shit-ton?”

“A shit-ton is ten-to-the-fucktieth power fuck-tons. Where were you during orientation?”

“Which would make a fucking shit-ton … ?”

“So Goddamn fucking much work that we’ll never fix that stupid thing because we’re always in ship-mode and too chickenshit to risk screwing the pooch and fucking our customers.  Also, we’re out of ROM space.”

“Thank you for clearing that up. I’ve updated the bug.”

“Yeah, that’ll look great in the deposition transcript. Juries love this shit. Pass the bowl of pills, would you? I have to go write some safety-critical code on that automotive contract.”

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4 Responses to Embedded software speak

  1. Tomsci says:

    “Also, we’re out of ROM space.” – that is a classic argument clincher… I can vouch for its efficacy. Creatively misconstrue the license agreements? Fine. Fudge the approvals and get someone else to submit it? No problem. But run out of ROM space and man that’s the end of it.

  2. pegr says:

    I’ve had this same conversation!

  3. MagerValp says:

    I thought the metric unit was arseload, as opposed to the English unit assload.

  4. Chris says:

    Conversation recently overheard at Toyota…

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