Scrum in Middle Earth


“I finished up the Balrog thing yesterday. Got resurrected this morning, and some laundry done; that new bleach is really great on eagle shit, by the way. This afternoon I’m helping out on the Minas Tirith suicide hotline. On the whole ring/Mordor work item, I’m blocked by Sauron.”

“Noted. Okay, Frodo?”

Did someone say…?”


Sorry, reception really sucks out here. Gollum says that he knows a short cut through the mountains. He also tossed all of our bug spray last night, no idea why. So we should be over the top and into Mordor by this evening. Not really blocked on anything, unless you count lack of food, no decent sleep in a month, and a life insurance policy that doesn’t cover volcanic eruptions.

“Thanks. Gimli?”

“Killed a buncha Orcs yesterday. Plan to kill a lot more today. And if I make it through the day without killin’ a certain fookin’ elf, I’ll count it a success.”

“Blocked by anything?”

“A bunch of fookin’ orcs. Could use a new sharpening stone. And a pointy valium suppository for this bloody elf here.”

“Right. Legolas?”

“What he said. Squared.”

“‘Kay. Treebeard?”


“HAROOM. Hoom. Interesting . . . yes. Yesterday, yesterday . . . I was reminded by the sunlight on the trees that had grown –”

“Look, I know you guys are new to the whole Scrum thing, but that’s no excuse to take all day. This is supposed to be a quick get-together, with high velocity and no chit-chat and get right back to work.”

“HOOM. Well now. Let’s not rush things. The sunlight on the grown trees –”

[groans all around, exeunt]

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6 Responses to Scrum in Middle Earth

  1. William Mayo says:

    Your Gimli is inspired πŸ˜‰

  2. We had to start using cooking timers (set to 1 minute) to prevent this. πŸ™‚ Nice blog post.

  3. Anon says:

    β€œWhat he said. Squared.” – do people really say that? πŸ™‚

    A great post!

  4. Jason Scott says:

    I have worked with Treebeard, and I have been Treebeard.

  5. Adamantyr says:

    I assume Aragorn’s the SCRUM master?

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