… and sat down beside ….

Earlier today I was munching on some bulk peanuts from Target (on sale, three bucks. Good protein), and flushing some email.

Quality of the nuts varies, however. (Well, as with the email).

I took another handful of nuts, chewed, and found that one of them had a strange flavor. Kind of sweet and tangy. “Good peanut,” I thought; one of those nonsense, no-consequence thoughts that floats through your head when you’re staring into space and cud-chewing.

A minute later, I ran my fingers through my hair and got back to the keyboard. Something stuck to my fingers. It was the leg of a spider.

Beat.

“Huh. I think I ate a spider.”

Beat.

“Not bad.”

Beat.

“I wonder if there are any more?”

[I was going look, just to see if I could find more evidence and return the rest of them to Target…]

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10 Responses to … and sat down beside ….

  1. Anon says:

    I know you yanks have it tough at the moment, but it seems like if you can only afford nuts cut with arachnids things must be worse than I thought.

    Hopefully Obama will pass a Bulk Nuts Regulation act or something, like FDR would have done in the Great Depression. Or maybe the government will hand out Bulk Nuts along with the five pound blocks of cheese.

    Maybe programmers could be collectivised and fed a diet of socialized bulk nuts and government cheese in return for contributing to GPL projects as a stimulus package for the tech industry.

    On the upside, this sort of thing will lead to some good angry punk songs, and maybe even a Repo Man remake.

  2. FeepingCreature says:

    As an arachnophobic, I think you just put me off nuts for at least a week. Thanks a lot. :p

    By the way, what’s the title mean? Is it part of a saying? (non-native speaker)

  3. james says:

    It’s from the nursery rhyme “Little Miss Muffet” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Little_Miss_Muffet (is there anything there isn’t a WikiPedia page on now?)

  4. landon says:

    @Anon: Rat poison. It was the rat poison we had to eat during the Bush adminstration that was the worst of all (though the weasel jerky, ground weasel and the weasel by-product hot dogs were a close second).

    Frankly, I don’t know where they found all the weasels. I’ll take crunchy arachnids any day.

    [I would Google ‘Bulk Nuts Regulation Act’, but I’m too terrified.]

  5. SeanJA says:

    I wouldn’t worry too much about the ‘Bulk Nuts Regulation Act’ search… there just seems to be a lot of ‘alergics’ complaining about nut placement in stores…

  6. Pavel says:

    Must have been one hell of a big spider.

  7. patorjk says:

    Eww, I think I’m going to stay away from nut related products at Target now. I read this while eating breakfest and almost gagged, though it did remind me of a Christmas present I got. They apparently sell insects dried out and with different flavors added to them. As a joke, my girl friend’s sister bought me a box of red hot grasshoppers. I threw most of them out, but one of my friends tried one. He said it tasted like leaves with a little hotness added to it. It might be because it was dried out, but you may not have eatten a spider, it might have just gotten torn apart in the nut factory and you just ended up with part of the leg on your finger. However, I have no clue, I figured I’d throw this out there though.

  8. vynl overdrive says:

    eating insects is a good way to manage yr carbon footprint.

  9. If it had been a bag of spiders you can bet it would have carried a warning that it might contain nuts.

  10. BlueRaja says:

    I find little worms (maggots?) in my pistachios all the time.

    To be fair, there’s nothing they can really do about spiders and maggots and things without opening the peanuts/pistachios.

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