Ship-it Blues

[ not related to my current job, which is a lot of fun, but I know people who’ve been here… 🙂 ] 

Our IT’s got a hard-on for some God-damned new firewall
They’ve got us all on lockdown and we can’t run anything, at all
Mention “Linux” in the hallway and the cameras turn and stare
I’m using Notepad for an IDE, and I’ve forgotten how to care

Marketing’s been cooking up a batch of clueless lies
HR’s hiring bean counters and other folks with ties
We know layoffs are looming, we’ve all read it in the news
We’ve got the huge-ass software corporation ship-it crapfest blues

With a
  “Heave!”
and a
  “Ho!”
and a
  “Who broke the build?”
Ship this thing, or we’re gonna be killed
Don’t bother bitching ’bout the buggy junk we make you use
We’ve got the huge-ass software corporation ship-it crapfest blues

Joe’s been writing COBOL for four decades and some more
He took some Java training and then read ‘Gang of Four’
Now everything’s a Singleton, a Command or Factory
He calls his COBOL “Java” now. Man, I rather write in C.

Gorpal’s fresh from college, his job is making bugs
Sue’s job is to find ’em. Gorpal? He just shrugs
“You’re just Q/A,” he says, and checks in more syntactical abuse
We’ve got the huge-ass software corporation ship-it crapfest blues

With a
  “*Grunt*”
and a
  “*Push*”
and a
  [wipes sweat from brow]
It’s more of the same, but in web pages now.
Oh, we know a shitstorm’s coming, ’cause we’ve got it on our shoes
We’ve got the huge-ass software corporation ship-it crapfest blues

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0 Responses to Ship-it Blues

  1. Jon says:

    This is pure gold. So true at some companies.

  2. Konrad says:

    What’s the melody for that?

  3. landon says:

    I had Dire Straits’ _Industrial Disease_ in my head most of the way through, but it doesn’t handle the interstitial bits, which are stolen from Dorothy Parker or maybe Heinlein’s _Stranger in a Strange Land_.

  4. Ryan says:

    This is the greatest post I have ever seen.

  5. pbh says:

    dylan’s tombstone blues was running through my head while i was reading it, in terms of melody

  6. BlueRaja says:

    The COBOL bit made me laugh really hard.

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